.
...a while back I decided to start using this blog for my own devices.
Rather than keeping a blog and posting stuff suitable for a blog, I'd use it to inspire creativity and to examine my life, the sort of spiritual spring cleaning that's so popular in romcoms.
It has worked.
I'm not sure it's been to the benefit of my blog, but definitely for me.
Just now, doing the dishes, I started thinking of independence of thought. I used to be very independent. After years of dependency - we call it childhood and adolescence - I sort of broke loose when I was 16.
I dressed independently, chose my hobbies, pastime and company independently. I wasn't popular and I took quite a lot of shit from others. I'm not saying I was bullied, just that I stood out.
Then I got tired of it, because it's not always nice to be in the spotlight. I wanted out. And that's when things changed... because I found it hard to find a good balance between independence of choice and staying under the radar a bit. I'm not even sure there is such a thing. I'm sure there's a good way of dealing with it.
Fast forward a few years and because of changes in my life, I got scared. The worst kind of scared - scared of doing it wrong. I supposed there was a right way that other people knew of and I tried so hard to find it.
Let's not exaggerate, I didn't become a meek push over scared of her own shadow, most people who meet me would probably describe me as free of mind and relatively outspoken.
Where I am today, in a good place in all areas but one (finances), I'm speaking more of a way of thought, and how I relate to myself and to the world. I need to mentally get back to where I once was, before the weariness and fear. I don't need to do the same things as I did then, but my work and sanity and social life would surely benefit from my freedom of thought and a willingness to follow through without assuming there will be (bad) consequences.
I don't have a great example of what this would be. And that's kind of the point. I don't need to know. No one does.
{ Thunder - see my portfolio. }
...a while back I decided to start using this blog for my own devices.
Rather than keeping a blog and posting stuff suitable for a blog, I'd use it to inspire creativity and to examine my life, the sort of spiritual spring cleaning that's so popular in romcoms.
It has worked.
I'm not sure it's been to the benefit of my blog, but definitely for me.
Just now, doing the dishes, I started thinking of independence of thought. I used to be very independent. After years of dependency - we call it childhood and adolescence - I sort of broke loose when I was 16.
I dressed independently, chose my hobbies, pastime and company independently. I wasn't popular and I took quite a lot of shit from others. I'm not saying I was bullied, just that I stood out.
Then I got tired of it, because it's not always nice to be in the spotlight. I wanted out. And that's when things changed... because I found it hard to find a good balance between independence of choice and staying under the radar a bit. I'm not even sure there is such a thing. I'm sure there's a good way of dealing with it.
Fast forward a few years and because of changes in my life, I got scared. The worst kind of scared - scared of doing it wrong. I supposed there was a right way that other people knew of and I tried so hard to find it.
Let's not exaggerate, I didn't become a meek push over scared of her own shadow, most people who meet me would probably describe me as free of mind and relatively outspoken.
Where I am today, in a good place in all areas but one (finances), I'm speaking more of a way of thought, and how I relate to myself and to the world. I need to mentally get back to where I once was, before the weariness and fear. I don't need to do the same things as I did then, but my work and sanity and social life would surely benefit from my freedom of thought and a willingness to follow through without assuming there will be (bad) consequences.
I don't have a great example of what this would be. And that's kind of the point. I don't need to know. No one does.
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